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Who I Am

There is vague and well there is incredibly vague. I realize I am more like the latter despite my attempts. So this is me being well some what less vague. This is me .

I’m the daughter of a man who moved to Canada from Northern Ireland when he was seventeen with his mother and brothers and sisters. I am also the daughter of a woman who’s father was spanish ( she never knew him ) and her mother ‘s  father was from Quebec and her mother a true Toronto-tian.

I’m the oldest sister of a brother and 3 1/2 brothers. I will likely be the smallest of the 4 though. I am younger than my age despite my having to grow up earlier than most. My parents divorced when I was 2 1/2 and I was forced to live on my own after my mother made a quick and un-thought exit out of a horrible yet long term relationship with the man I knew as my step father.

I made the choice of my young life time at 15 and chose the stability of my step-father over my mid-life crisis lost her goddamn mind mother ( at the time) of course your mother is always right whether you like it or not and my decision came back to ..well haunt me isn’t exactly the right word for it. I’ve never said these words to anyone but my bf before let alone wrote them for all to see in Internet land but I suppose that’s what healing and new beginnings are about. Nothing held back. Phew. Ok. After a day of drinking over proof rum with me and a gf of mine , he tried to do things to me.Some things didn’t happen some did. Worse things have happened to me I suppose but nothing fucked me up like this. i am forever grateful that I was not that drunk that I couldn’t do something. I regret a lot of things and I’m still angry about what that did to my life and the changes I was forced to deal with but Ido not regret my actions that night.

I ran.

I lived with a gf I had since Kindergarten . My best friend and her family. I lived there for almost two years. I met D ( my bf ) and like most good things in my life, with the good comes the bad

I can’t speak for him but I fell in love with him long before I met him but when I met him that was it ( woo 7 years at this point ) and I truly believed he saved me.

Drama ensued and I had to leave my best friends hope although I was still friends with her . I moved back in with my mother I was 17 and I didn’t have much of a choice. I lived with her and her alcoholic bf until I graduated highschool. I slept on their couch in their living room in their 2 bedroom apartment . He would not allow me to sleep in the second bedroom because he didnt want me to get comfortable.

I graduated with honors in english and art and applied for college and moved out that summer. I studied Journalism and Photography and left in my second year because my eating disorder and such got to be too much and because journalism isn’t the kind of writing I wanted to do .

D and I got our own apartment where we still live while he waits on me to get to the point in my life that we both want me to be at  . While he waits for me to figure out a career . To buy a house. To get married. To have children.To grow. To get Happy.

Which is really the point of this blog. The Journey To Happiness. It may take awhile . It may also be paved with kleenex and vodka.

-soup

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