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Does Not Like Goat’s Cheese Apparently

July 6, 2009

It didn’t get any better . It’s kinda got worse but not writing isn’t going to help or hurt anything .

It started a few days ago . I woke up from a horrible dream . I was working at store and had arrived at work in the morning and my younger brother was standing out front of the store in oversized old man clothes , panhandling. He went on about how he needed 29 dollars or he would have to come out and do it again tomorrow. He didn’t say but somehow I knew it was some sort of needle drugs he needed money for. I didn’t give him money . I bought him a lot of food and he left saying he was going to switch corners that he still needed that money.  I woke up shaking and crying and I felt  so anxious  all day. It carried on for another day or two . minimal relief DID ocme at some point but then this weekend we went to the cottage on Saturday morning and brought a friend and her 3 year old son . The anxiety popped up horribly around 5 and I had to take a shower for close to 45 minutes in an attempt to slow myself down . Sunday morning I woke up like that ag ain and spent most of the day randomly going to the bathroom to cry .

I laid down on the bed in the bedroom with D for awhile and tried to explain things to him . Easier said then done. Well , not really. I couldn’t figure out the right words to explain to someone who has never experienced it , to tell him how i felt . He thought that it was caused by something. That something happened or something. I told him no one did anything but I don’t think he really understands.

When i got home from the cottage there was a notice taped to my door saying that the landlord would be coming into the apartment between 9-2 pm to change batteries on smoke alarms and check the carbon monoxide detector. D called me at 9 to wake up me so I could open the door for them . I am thankful that they came at 9;15 and now I don’t have to await them all day. I am not thankful that I had to wake up at 9 because that is a longer day, more hours where I am alone , awake and anxious.

Friday night D and I went for a late dinner at a restaurant called Baton Rouge. D ordered sword fish and a loaded baked potatoe the size of a softball. I ordered something called Sante Fe Chicken . It said it had zucchini, red peppers , some sort of sauce and was topped with goat’s cheese. I altered it and removed the zuchinni and red peppers as I thought it would just be too much and besides I was really just interested in the goat’s cheese. My side was a serving ( well probably 5) of their amazing mashed potatoes. Apparently there is white cabbage and bacon in them. Oh and garlic. Dinner was delicious but D learned he does not enjoy goat’s cheese.

Today , I don’t know . I should clean . Cook something perhaps. Laundry. So I will aim for that I suppose . I really just want the couch.Perhaps some tissue and hugs from D

6 Comments leave one →
  1. my3tots permalink
    July 6, 2009 7:14 pm

    think it could be worries over school or work? i have never had goat cheese but often wonder if it’s that much different from cow’s cheese!

    • soupoflife permalink*
      July 6, 2009 7:36 pm

      I have no idea. Perhaps its the uncertainty? I don’t know. It’s not like I was thinking about something or talking about something and then I felt anxious, you know?
      The goat’s cheese I had was really good. The texture is very creamy but different from cow’s cheese . It was a strong flavor somewhat too. It melts very well. Derek tried a piece that wasn’t fully melted onto the chicken and he said while he didn’t like the taste , the texture REALLY threw him off.

  2. Amanda permalink
    July 7, 2009 1:23 pm

    I think that free floating anxiety is the worst because you just can’t tie it to anything. And it’s sticky, like velcro, so you walk around feeling anxious while picking up more things to feel anxious about without knowing what the heck is wrong!!!

  3. soupoflife permalink*
    July 7, 2009 3:23 pm

    Yes velcro is a perfect way to describe it Amanda.

    Unfortunately it gets worse, or perhaps more got stuck to the velcro.
    I got my Record of Employment from when I had to work with bf’s mom in the mail yesterday. They put on it that I quit. Which is untrue AND may fuck me over in the school department as the whole point of the application is proving that youc annot get a job with the skills that you have so you need for them to pay for you to go to school . I called her and told her that the info was incorrect and they acted like it wasn’t a big deal and said they ‘d send me out another one , but if my application is already processed ( i still have not heard the outcome yet ) then I’m sure the govt saw that and I will have to fucking re apply. In which case I am leaning more towards just finding a job ( not dead set on this tho) . ugh

    • Amanda permalink
      July 8, 2009 12:42 pm

      Oh my gosh! That’s AWFUL. People just don’t realize… I mean one little ‘clerical error’ and everything goes to shit! I hope it can be worked out, but heck that’s the kind of stuff that makes you (or at least makes me) say why bother I’m screwed anyway I might as well give up.

      Kicking you when you’re down, that is. I’m so so sorry.

  4. soupoflife permalink*
    July 9, 2009 6:44 pm

    I got a call from the govt this morning. I got in and i start on monday. I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak , you know ? Like something to happen to prevent this from happening for me .

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